With love, Fire Monster.

It’s an emotional tidal wave that I’m drowning under.

The second I get above the water, I become thirsty again,

But when I try to drink,

I drown.

What’s wrong with me?

What’s wrong with everyone?

Why can’t it all be balanced?

Why can’t I be happy? And you be happy?

Why does one person have to suffer for the happiness of another?

Can’t they both be happy?

It’s not fair.

But then again, nothing ever is, is it?

Child picks flower and it makes child sad to see it die after a while.

Foolish child, you shouldn't have picked it in the first place.

That’s all we are… 

Foolish children.

...<sigh>

I mean, you can’t say you didn't have it coming.

Did you?

Did you have it coming?

Did I?

Did I dig my own grave?

Only to put someone else in it?

Or is there room for the both of us under that pathetic mound of dirt?

Maybe we’ll be happy.

Maybe we won’t.

No one knows, I know I don’t.

And I fear I never shall.

So instead of sad & cold & long nights,

Pretending those drops on your face are water, carried to defeat the fire monster,

So that the village will be safe,

And they’ll love you,

Instead of dark & cold eyes with a hatred that only wishes it could pierce skin so it can penetrate deeper into my soul,

Let that fire dragon out.

But don’t try to kill it.

Be nice to it.

Care for it.

Love it.

Let it love you back.

And watch that hot angry fire turn into a gentle warmth.

That’ll keep you warm on those sad & cold & long nights.

Keep me warm.

To What Just Might Be The Most Depressing First Blog Ever...This Was A Dark Place

I’d like to take this time and space to apologize to all those people out there in the world whom at one point felt a sadness so  deep & profound only to be termed as exaggerated by others, I was one of the others.

You don’t know emotional pain until you know sadness, and sadness can come in all forms: Grief over the loss of a loved one, your first heartbreak, even a recurring mental condition.

What connects us all is that wrenching pain you feel from within, it binds our tears and although we may feel alone in the world at that moment. We’re together.

We’re alone, together.

And it’s gonna hurt for days. You will question every fragment of your existence and all the events in your life at that point will cease to be important, or worth it.

It will consume you until at the end of it all, you will be sadness, sadness will be you. You won’t know the difference anymore.

And you fear you never will.