The Melaphobic Presents: A Sort of Guide to Some Stuff

1. Parties: For the introvert who's also kind of an extrovert but definitely more introverted, this is for you, child.
Most times, you're a hermit, sometimes you briefly meta morph into a social butterfly, and then you kill the butterfly and go back to watching Sense8 from the safe confines of your bedroom. (Seriously, that show is so good, it deserves a shit tonne of awards)

I get it, I'm just like that. Every once in a while, I'll put on nice clothes and transform from my usual dirty hobo self into a fairly presentable female person. I'll get out of the house, interact with people, get intoxicated on...something... and come back home with a pocketful of regrets and things I could have said instead of that thing I said, dammit.

Sometimes I crave raw experience and adventure and sometimes, I don't want to see or interact with any other human beings for a very long time.

Is it weird? Yes.
Is it okay? Yes.

2. Men: Guys suck, this is literally something everyone knows but doesn't talk about enough even though no truer words have ever been spoken. Guys.Suck.
The media feeds us all these stereotypes about how women are complicated and men are as easy as puppies to navigate but it's all just government propaganda, okay? IT'S ALL LIES.

Each person is an extremely complex individual and that's just it.

Now, is your life just a barrage of unrequited love hitting you in the gut like an unfair game of dodge ball? Do you do your Single Ladies a la Beyonce dance to block out the negativity but then the song ends and you think to yourself, "Fuck, what if I'm the problem? What if I'm just unlovable?" 

Good news, yes. It's you. You're unlovable.
Because you do not appreciate yourself in all your sweaty-from-dancing-to too-much-Beyonce glory, you will continue to be unlovable.

Until the day you wake up and realize, "God, I'm smart and beautiful as fuck. I love me so damn much, get over here you sexy beast you." 

There. You just threw yourself some love. Now you're lovable. You're welcome.

3. Family: I'm slowly starting to understand why Jack Nicholson went bat shit crazy in The Shining. Bruh, I get you now.

Welcome to Grossly Misunderstood Time, starring me and my family. You'd think 19-20 years is a long time to really get to know a person but I'm still so surprised by how little they do. Like are you even trying?

A family is essentially just a love unit though. You support each other, emotionally, financially and most importantly, unconditionally. When I'm running low on love, I know I can just dip into the bottomless sauce tray that is my family's love and curl into fetal position and just take the sweetest nap of my life. (And I take a lot of sweet ass naps)

However, break a few rules that are worth it in the name of individuality and "being me". They'll be mad for a bit but eventually, it should fizzle out...or it might not. In that case, just be yourself and if they love you like they say they do, they'll come around eventually. If not then fuck it, the universe is your family.

4. School: I hate school. Are you even going to use your degree?

But I need a passing grade or else I'm gonna be stuck there for ever. So suck it up and just get it over with.

I shall keep updating this list as I go on with this obscure and fucking peculiar life. But that's pretty much it right now. 

Colour with the U.

That's the thing about misery, she likes to wallow.

Misery becomes habit and habit becomes norm.

It takes two to tango in this dance of life. You and your happiness. Otherwise it's a slow, lone waltz.
Beautiful.

Sad.

Try not to think about the past. It drags you back to it by the scalp and holds your head up and peels your eyelids back, forcing you to look at all the things you did. All the things you did wrong.

Don't think about the future either. A hiss of smoke from the ground. You don't know where it came from & you don't know how long it's going to last & just thinking about it in itself is wasted time waving goodbye from the backseat window of a speeding car.

I don't know what to tell you because I don't know what I know but one thing I'm sure about as sure as the rain that glides on the other side of the glass and the sun that dries it to shine through...

Here. Be here.