It's Not Even 9pm Yet and I Still Found Something To Depress Me.

What do I want from this life?
Same as everyone else, I want to be happy.
What do you want?

Relax, I'm not very good at advice so I'm not gonna do that. I'm just thinking out loud keyboard.

I've said it. I want to be happy. This fake it 'til you make it crap is bullshit. I want a shot of happiness on the rocks and I WANT IT NOW.

I look around me and everyone's surface seems to be unrippled. Everything's hunky dory for them, just peachy. Maybe on the inside their tidal waves are crashing like me but their surfaces are so clean, I can't help but ask myself...how?

Why?

Don't listen to me kids. Don't study other people then compare yourself to them and proceed to whine about it on your shitty blog. It's only gonna get worse.
It only gets worse.
(God Mel, when did you start writing all this emo shit? How did you become so sad?)

On the bright side...
Atleast I'm breathing.
And I have a best friend whose life is so perfect right now I can only stick around and hope that some of the crumbs from her happiness rub off on me.

If I could. I'd make everyone around me happy. Just give them what they want.
"You want money? Err you go"
"New car? Don't worry about it."
"A baby? Merry Christmas bitches."

Then just stand and look at all these souls I've made better and hope that they don't pull a Gatsby on me.
See, my fucked up logic is that if everyone I know...even the lady who checks my bag at school...if all of them had just that one more thing to look forward to each day; something that would make their lives just that one megawatt more luminous. Then it'll reflect off me, right?
It'll bounce off me and I'll be happy like them.

I'll be happy.

I'll be happy.

I'll be...

Fuck.